Sorry

I never admit I'm wrong. Or if I did something wrong. Somehow I think it's never my fault. But this time it is. I messed up something. Big time. I honestly don't even know how I did it. Well, I do...but I can't justify it. I have never felt more sorry in my life. And I don't like feeling this way. Some people are good at apologies. They are sincere, and loving, and you just want to forgive them right away. I'm not like that. I suck. I stammer, I can't get the words out, and I just look like an idiot. But apologizing is one of the first things we learn as a kid...then why, as an adult, it becomes so difficult? As a kid we have this large guilt bag. We do something wrong and it eats away at us. Two hours later we are saying sorry. But as we get older...somehow that guilt trigger just disappears. Where does it go? As teenagers we learn to become great actors. Pretending to feel sorry for something. But when we actually do feel sorry...we don't know what to do. Sorry. Five little letters, with a million meanings. I'm sorry. I can say it here, or actually TYPE it. In person, I choke. Sorry is the hardest thing to say when you actually mean it.

Dreams

Where do I begin? Dreams. Wow, without those things life would be tougher than it already it is. All of us have dreams. Whether they are getting into a college, becoming something, or just living. I have dreams, lots of them. They are big, and small, and crazy, and realistic. But they all come from me. No one should tell us what dream, or who to be or what to like. We are our own person. Sure I'm only sixteen and most of you may think I'm too young to know what I want. Well I do know. I want to do great things. I'm not sure what they are going to be yet. But I'm not letting anyone tell me I can't do them. I want to be a model. I know that's a little superficial but it's my dream. Most people don't know that because they say I should be one and I just no, because you're required to, right? If people say you should be something society requires you to say no, and be "modest". This is where we get doubts. Society expects us to act like we aren't good at anything and take compliments as insults. We learn to doubt our dreams this way. I have lots of friends with image issues. No matter how many times you tell them they are pretty or good at something they shrug it off and call you a liar. And it hurts right? You think someone has potential for something great! Yet they say no and doubt themselves and say no? Blame everyone. Yourself included. You want them to say "thank you I know I'm pretty good," but you KNOW they won't say it because it's just not how things are suppose to go. Society's rules are more important than the dreams of people we crush. We are too scared to head towards the weird and stray from the norm. WHY?! It's madness, unethical, torturous, criminal. Everyone should feel good about themselves. I know this is VERY hypocritical, but it's true. I doubt myself all the time, and that's because if I don't society will thunk I'm different. I like being confident. I like being me. I want to change that. I want to change how my friends see themselves. I challenge you, the reader, to rewire your mindset and be different. Be confident. Sure there will still be people who will stay the same, but maybe you can shed a little light on their world. Make a difference?