I've been struggling with my next topic. It seems I've already exhausted my top talking points. It's so easy to get stuck in a cycle. Not just a routine, but an actual cycle. It just keeps going year after year. I want to break it. I don't want a new relationship every two years. I don't want to be a crappy human. I want to learn how to be the best version of myself.
In light of my most recent realization, I have decided to investigate this path toward sex and love addiction. Not saying that I plan on becoming addicted, I already am and now I'm trying to fix this. I entered my first chat room, downloaded all the literature. Finding a face to face meeting has proven to be harder than I thought. I haven't had much help navigating the world of love and relationships. It's a pretty foreign concept to me. What even makes a healthy relationship? My current standing is dealing with transparency. It is not my first choice (that is for sure), but it's what I'm working on right now. You guys have read the struggles I have with all of this business. I thought my problems were based on lack of experience or immaturity. In reality it's based off my own personal traumas that led me to believe this is how love works. That I should be begging for affection and struggling with serious jealousy. It shouldn't be this painful.
I'm terrified. If this doesn't work I'm not sure a happy relationship is in my future. Wish me luck.