Sorry

I never admit I'm wrong. Or if I did something wrong. Somehow I think it's never my fault. But this time it is. I messed up something. Big time. I honestly don't even know how I did it. Well, I do...but I can't justify it. I have never felt more sorry in my life. And I don't like feeling this way. Some people are good at apologies. They are sincere, and loving, and you just want to forgive them right away. I'm not like that. I suck. I stammer, I can't get the words out, and I just look like an idiot. But apologizing is one of the first things we learn as a kid...then why, as an adult, it becomes so difficult? As a kid we have this large guilt bag. We do something wrong and it eats away at us. Two hours later we are saying sorry. But as we get older...somehow that guilt trigger just disappears. Where does it go? As teenagers we learn to become great actors. Pretending to feel sorry for something. But when we actually do feel sorry...we don't know what to do. Sorry. Five little letters, with a million meanings. I'm sorry. I can say it here, or actually TYPE it. In person, I choke. Sorry is the hardest thing to say when you actually mean it.