Future

Such a scary word right now. It seems far away, but in reality it's so damn close. I'm going to be in COLLEGE soon. Scary. I'm almost an adult. I'll need to make real life choices, with real life consequences. Then there's the whole family part of it. I'm so use to being with one, but being out on my own seems so rewarding. I don't know what to do. When we are younger we have this sense of direction and we are so stubborn and sure about our choices. Where does all that go? Surely it gets lots in that transition from child to confused teen. I miss being so sure of myself. The only thing I have to cling onto is my imagination. But being an adult with a child's imagination puts you in your own catagory. We live in our own world and that can cause conflict with the real world around us and the people in it. When I look at my life now there's just an expansive, foggy place. It's nowhere. It's just an abyss and I'm suppose to go through with it without a flashlight. I wish my mom could take my hand and direct me in the right direction. But there isn't one! And that's the terrifying part. There is no right or wrong choice, it's just one or the other. When I was five the world was so black and white. Everything was right or wrong. Mom's way or the bad way. But now, it's like I've acquired these glasses that only allow me to see gray. Gray in every direction. I have to make my own right and wrong. It's all up to me.