It's All For You

We all have that one person our life revolves around. We can't help it because it just turns out that way. I'm like that too. Everything I do doesn't benefit myself alone. I take in to consideration what he needs or wants. Sometimes I don't even think of myself at all. The debate on whether this is health or not doesn't really matter to me. I'll admit that I make decisions solely based on what I think will benefit him and our relationship. I'm not afraid to admit everything I do is basically for him. Unhealthy or not it's how I am.

Lost

Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. I just get so tangled up in my thoughts that I don't know which way is up and which way is down. It's like being trapped in your own room. You know where everything is and what it does, but knowing you're stuck there is just terrifying. I know where I am. But at the same time, I don't. It's a paradox . . . maybe. I don't know. We all have to get lost once in awhile to know where we are trying to go. It's like . . . imagine you are on a bike. Now sometimes in life you go solo and just ride alone. Then one day you trade it in for a tandem bike. One person in front, and the other has no just choice but to sit in the back and follow. Relationships should not be like that. You should both be on your own bike, going your own pace. If there's a fork in the road you may go different ways. But I think, if it's meant to be you will eventually end up on the same road again. One person may lead every so often. Guiding you gently in a direction you both want. Then sometimes you take the lead. In the direction you want. That's how it's suppose to be. Give and take.  There are those who choose to follow and let the others lead. Let them fulfill their dreams instead of pursuing your own. Does it make you happy? Maybe. Maybe not. I have my own bike. I don't know where I'm going yet. I might decide this path is right for me. You may decide it's not for you. All that I hope for is that in the end, when we have both had our adventures, those two different roads will merge into one. The rest is undecided. It always is. But getting lost is what gives you the time to stop, take a breathe, and do what you want.

Almost

It's almost that time when everyone starts reflecting on the past year. Regrets, hardships, accomplishments, and so on . . . I really don't like to do that. It depresses me. Another year of my life has flown bye, and now I'm trying to prepare for the next one! There's no time to dilly dally on the past.  Sure I may look back on a few good things that may have happened,  but totally forget the bad. I simply accept what comes my way in the new year and learn to deal with it; some things may be more difficult than others, but the job usually gets done. 2013 is fast approaching and we should all be ready, there's no point in trying to stop it.

Future

Such a scary word right now. It seems far away, but in reality it's so damn close. I'm going to be in COLLEGE soon. Scary. I'm almost an adult. I'll need to make real life choices, with real life consequences. Then there's the whole family part of it. I'm so use to being with one, but being out on my own seems so rewarding. I don't know what to do. When we are younger we have this sense of direction and we are so stubborn and sure about our choices. Where does all that go? Surely it gets lots in that transition from child to confused teen. I miss being so sure of myself. The only thing I have to cling onto is my imagination. But being an adult with a child's imagination puts you in your own catagory. We live in our own world and that can cause conflict with the real world around us and the people in it. When I look at my life now there's just an expansive, foggy place. It's nowhere. It's just an abyss and I'm suppose to go through with it without a flashlight. I wish my mom could take my hand and direct me in the right direction. But there isn't one! And that's the terrifying part. There is no right or wrong choice, it's just one or the other. When I was five the world was so black and white. Everything was right or wrong. Mom's way or the bad way. But now, it's like I've acquired these glasses that only allow me to see gray. Gray in every direction. I have to make my own right and wrong. It's all up to me.

Challenges

It seems like we don't challenge our brains anymore. I don't mean with useless math questions or some scientific experiment. I mean real stuff that makes you think. No one asks us questions we are afraid to answer. We don't expand our brains to full capacity. We need to read more, think more, try and understand ourselves. I dare you all to read a book that seems too confusing for you. I dare you to go for a walk and think about why certain things make you feel a certain way. Be selfish and think only about you. Because that is really all you need to understand. If you meet someone who understands them self, then you can understand each other.

And So It Begins

Ahhh . . . Do you feel that? The cool breeze on your face, fuzzy socks on your feet, and a cup full of hot apple cider. Nothing beats this time of year. Bundling up. Layer upon layer of clothing. All my girl friends HATE the cold. It messes up their hair, they can't wear that cute shirt they bought. I could care less. Give me sweats, or give me death! I love how the cold freezes my eyelashes together and makes my nose run. I love getting soaked shoes after a big storm and slipping on my comfy slippers after a long day. Sitting by the fire and watching cartoons. All of that is what makes life tolerable. Knowing that this time of year is the most magical and perfect. I could drone on for days about how much I love this time of year. It just feels like everything is coming together. Reflecting on the past year and realizing it wasn't all that bad. Looking forward to the new year and all it has in store. I'm just happy right now. I like being happy. Do you?

Escape to Wonderland

Well the homecoming dance was PERFECT. Amazing dress, extremely handsome date, fun theme, great time, just perfect. I don't remember the last time I did something that fun. My boyfriend and I took those super awkward pictures but I'm sure they look great. Just last night was amazing. Sure there were a few awkward moments, like making eye contact with me EX, ew! And seeing my former best friend and his date, double ew. But all in all it was amazing. Sure, maybe my boyfriend isn't the worlds best dancer but he gets an A+ for effort. Just a great time, with great friends, and lots of memories.

It's Here

The weather. I'ts changing. I smell the rain. This is the best time of year. Layers of clothes, holidays, it's just all so wonderful. It's like a wonderland of my own and I can just let my mind escape, I can be free. Simply perfect.

Homecoming

Well it's that time of the year guys! Homecoming! I'm really excited this year. The theme is magical 'Escape to Wonderland', sounds perfect right? I have the most amazing dress and the most amazing date. My boyfriend, the crazy boy that he is, woke up really early to walk to my house at like 6:30 in the morning, he had a sign and flowers. It was just too cute. Except...I was in my pajamas and looked really gross. At least he looked cute. This year is turning out to be better than I thought. I'm really excited. Oh! And I almost forgot. It's fall! My favorite type of weather is finally here! Rain, wind, cold. It's all here. Now I'm going to throw this out there, because I can. I'm a hug fan of Gilmore Girls. And if ANY of you have seen it you know that Lorelai LOVES the snow. It's her favorite thing in the world. That's how I am with rain. It's just magical in every way, I love it. Alright, that's all for now. I'll update you guys later!

Now Don't Get Me Wrong...

Sure it's hard to balance boyfriend life and friend life, but you gotta do it. Mixing them is fine when everyone's comfortable with it. Now I've been in a relationship for almost six months now. My friends know him, they like him, and we all get along together. Now my best friend, whom I can hardly live without, just got a boyfriend. It's great, she's happy and it's awesome seeing her happy. But she hasn't been able to balance boyfriend and friend time. Last night we went to this great event but we could only stay two hours because she just had to go see her boyfriend after his football game. Two hours may seem like a lot but it went by in a matter of minutes. It wasn't fun having to leave early just so she could drop me off and go see her boyfriend. I was really looking forward to a long fun night with my best friend. It just didn't happen. Now I understand that going to two different schools can be difficult, but friends came first and you have to make room for them. If I want to make plans with her they have to end early because she has to see her boyfriend. I don't like it. I would like to approach her about this topic but I don't want to seem like a bad friend. They are in a new relationship but it honestly isn't that new anymore. I just want some friend time.

Get Out

Sometimes you just gotta get out and do something. Do something you want to do and just have fun, let loose. Take a mini vacation for yourself. Don't care what anyone else thinks. Just be you. I've realized that I need that. A mini vacation just for me. And I'm going to do it. Whether anyone likes it or not. Your life is meant to be lived by YOU, not anyone else. Do what YOU want, and do what makes YOU happy. Don't like by anyone else's rules. Live by your own.

It's Okay To Feel That Way

I never understood why people hide their feelings. They are meant to be expressed. If you are sad, then be sad. Don't pretend you aren't. It's okay to have feelings, and it's okay to feel them. Sure, that's lame to say. It's true though. Frankly all the people out there that push their emotions down or shove them in a box never to be opened again, they are stupid. It's that simple. If you don't express what you're feeling or say what's going on with you, how do you expect to feel better? Sit alone in the dark and cry? Eat till you're full then eat more? No. Be a grown up and tell a friend or even someone you barely know. Odds are, saying them out loud will help you realize something. Don't be stupid. Be honest with yourself, don't cause your body more harm and stress. Everyone deserves to be happy, and if you are happy then feel free to express it.

Too Much

I'm tired. Just dead tired. Sleep is hard to come by these days, and so is any kind of rest. School, life, friends, family...it's too much. I'm just asking for one day, one little day all to myself. To sleep, eat and do nothing. I need rest. And this is starting to be the busiest time of the year too! Holidays are fast approaching, even though it may not seem like it...just watch, in a few short weeks it's going to hit like a tsunami. I wish humans could hibernate. That is all.

Sitting Here In The Dark

As I sit here in my swivel chair, elbows propped up on my desk, hands clasped under my chin. As I sit here thinking, in the dark with only the gentle glow of the computer monitor, eyes closed, lights off, the quiet hum of the fan. I sit here and I just wonder. I think. I postulate. I ponder. I'm just sitting here in the dark and letting my brain run free. It's jumping around from place to place. Past, present, future. I think about something and right as I come to a realization, my brain yanks it away and I move on to my next thought. But through all this mess, and clutter and dysfunctional unorganized disaster, I find things. Things that are repressed or that were just simply lost in the hustle and bustle of my life. Stuff I rarely go back to, certain memories tossed away to the side. My life is literally flashing before my eyes right now and I can't seem to hold onto or remember any of it. It's all blur. And it's strange how all this thinking came to be about. The clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy, who knew.

You Just Know

We are young and stupid, I know this. But does that change anything? Our peers look at us and think "yeah they are cute together, but it's just a high school thing", adults look at us and say "they are kids, what do they know?" But the people who have truly lived and have found something like we have found they simply say, "It will be tough, but good luck." And honestly that is the best feeling in the world. This boy, this kid, this young man I have come to known for five years is a big part of my life. There's something inside me that knows, it just knows that this is something greater than the both of us. Something we can't avoid or get away from. It's just one of those things that very few people encounter and we are lucky enough to be a part of. Now I don't want to get all mushy gushy lovey dovey on you guys, but I'm dead serious. Some people don't believe in fate, or true love, or having a soul mate. And that's their opinion. I respect that. But then there are the very few who do believe in that stuff. Of course we can't come out and say it. People think our beliefs are foolish and just plain stupid. But ancient civilizations believed in this stuff, people who we think are great scholars agree that there is something that is great and powerful out there that intertwines our lives for some reason. There is a purpose. I believe in fate, in serendipity, in true love, and soul mates. I believe all that because I know, I just know that there something out there and it's telling me that what I have, what I'm experiencing right now, it's meant to be.

Normal

Is there such thing? Normal. You hear it all the time. "Be normal" "I want things to go back to normal" What is this 'normal' everyone is talking about? Is it a state of mind? Something tangible? Does it exist? No, it doesn't. If it did then we would have nothing. Nothing would change, ever. Normal doesn't exist because things are always moving and changing and being destroyed. You can't call it normal if it has changed in some way. Don't you agree? The normalcy of ones life is all in their imagination. I have no normal. I'm far from anything remotely normal. I'm the complete opposite. But I'm fine with that. There's some people who spend their lives searching for this ideal and normal lifestyle that doesn't even exist. It's fiction. A mere conspiracy.

I'm Upset

I hate feelings. They are just stupid. When you have feelings that means you have to feel them. And it sucks. Because when you're angry you feel all the things that come with anger and you can't stop it. I'd much rather have no feelings so I can go on and live my life in complete and utter stupidity. Unaware of what feelings can cause and become. Sure there are good feelings we have; love, happiness, care. But how long do those last? Not very long in my experience. But pain, hurt, loss...those, well they can last forever. Right now, I'm upset. I feel angry and sad and hurt and just completely stupid. And I can't help it. I think about something else but then my twisted and disturbed mind brings me back to these painful feelings. I can't escape them. It's like I'm unintentionally trying to torture myself. It's psychotic warfare with myself and my better half is losing. I'm just stuck here in this endless cycle, my two minds against each other. There's no end to the madness. I want to be happy and just laugh this off, but I'm not strong enough. My happy is just too weak.

The Truth

Yeah sure, the truth hurts. But I'd honestly rather know the truth than not know anything at all, no matter how much it hurts me. The truth is just straight forward. You can't beat around the bush with it. Lying may be easier...at first. But once you have to cover up the lies with more and more, you're pretty much screwed. I say just tell the damn truth.

Music

My goodness I love music. It's just amazing. There's so many different styles and types that can relate to everyone. Whether you are just listening for the beat, lyrics, or the whole thing music is something everyone has a connection to. Each genre has something special of it's own. I like ALL types of music; classical, rock, hip/hop, oldies, rap, pop, techno, dub step...you name it and I have a favorite song from that genre. Music just speaks to something inside me that no person can. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. Music speaks to everyone. It's a big part of our lives. Music is life.

First Day

So today was my first day of school. Yikes. Already there's drama. People seriously need to grow up. First days are always the worst. You don't know anything, it's awkward, people are lost. It's a mess! But I have doubts about this year, Junior year. So much pressure, very little time. Sure it's exciting at first, you think you know everything...then it hits you. Everything seems foreign, and you're completely screwed. Pardon my language. But seriously! High school is a mess. More pressure, more materials, more expectations, more everything. Being a teenager now seems all fine and dandy to adults. They see us hang out and do nothing while we are at home. But once you open the bedroom door at midnight, we are feverishly working on this project or essay that has crazy and impossible requirements. You treat us like little kids, yet you expect us to act like adults? How is that right? Parents think we are lazy. They don't see us at school. Academics have changed over the years. We cram more into a year than should be allowed. Students work their butts off trying to stay above water. There is a heavy burden on our backs, and I don't just mean our backpacks. As young adults we are suppose to be the one to set examples for younger kids and impress the adults in our lives. We are the ones who will be in charge next. We have so much UNSEEN pressure in our lives. And we hide it well, with seclusion, parties, drinking, drugs. We want to seem like we can do anything, and forget that we are only human. As a teenager I understand how hard it is to function with parents, and teachers, and friends, and even society breathing down my neck. It's hard. I'm tired. Just let us try our best before you tell us it's not good enough.

Distractions

Well folks, looks like I'll be on here a lot more. I'm going to have lots of free time. So I'm going to try something out. I'm going to open my blog up more. Feel free to send me comments, or questions. I'll answer them or we can just talk. I may not be the best at giving advice but I'll give you my full attention and try to help best I can. So feel free to contact me on here and hopefully I get something from you guys.

Time

I have found everything said about time to be true. It's precious, fragile, and limited. We measure time by all sorts of ways. Seconds, minutes, hours, moments. And it's up to us to cherish every second and every moment; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Time is something we let slip by. We waste it on so much, and most of that is important stuff unfortunately. Work, jobs, errands; all things we need to do to sustain our life. Not everyone can go off and travel all the time, we still have duties, that take that time away. I just wish there was...more time. More time for everything, anything. Even a few measly seconds would do.

The Line

We have lines for everything. Lines to cross, lines not to cross, lines to follow, and lines to meet. Lines. And lots of them. Some are universal, others are personal. We all have our lines, our limits, certain things we just can't cross or have to cross. One line I recently discovered has to do with happiness. How far are you willing to go to make someone else happy? Would you compromise your own happiness? Do you cross the line from being happy to being...unhappy for someone else's sake? I crossed that line. It goes back to being a people pleaser. I had to make a compromise. We all do it. Cross our own line to do something for someone else. I don't get along with a certain type of people. But in order to make someone else happy, I kinda need to talk to these people. All while pretending to be happy and acting like I don't care about something that is driving me insane. You might be a little lost, I apologize. Let me (try to) explain. I get along with guys, less drama and problems. Girls are too...girly for me. But in order to make someone I care about happy, girls need to become my new BFF. Is it wrong to cross my own line? Who knows.

Help?

I don't even know what happened. Did I do something? Was it MY fault? I'm so confused. I was the mad one. You can't be mad. You have nothing to be mad about. I'm always there for you, day or night. Why can't that be reciprocal? I need help in understanding what happened. I'm so lost, especially without you. This was going to be a good week, not such a great start.

*sigh*

People Pleaser

I'm the type of person who will set aside my hopes and dreams to help you achieve yours. I'll drop everything just to help you. A good trait, or curse? I always set aside my needs for someone else, just so they are comfortable. My dreams? Forget them. If they don't fit into how you want things to be, I'll just toss them out the window. Want me to do something? Sure, I'll just forget about my future and help you with yours. My dreams and hopes and wants aren't important anymore. Everyone else is much more important than me, so I should really focus on them more. It's best for every one. Your life, your dreams, your future, it's greater than mine. I should just give up now. I'll never accomplish what I want to accomplish. Your welcome.

When Things Change

People always say that change is good. I find this to be completely false. Sure changing your hairstyle or clothes is good. Changing something important like the communication in a relationship is well, bad. We can't control everything that happens in our life or in the life of someone else that affects us. Maybe they see someone from their past and suddenly, it's like it went from summer to winter. Before, you were perfectly happy with how things were going. Then out of the blue lightning strikes and what you knew before is now gone. After awhile we start to get use to how things are, you're comfortable. But is that the problem? We get too comfortable with how things are that when change happens we have no idea how to handle it. Society has a focus on change though. It wants to expand and grow, change to fit the future. But somethings just shouldn't change. Like a simple conversation between two people. Where they laugh and joke and just enjoy each other. Why does that need to change? Because one little thing popped up and now one person is focused on something else. You're probably catching on now, yes something did happen in my life. And frankly I don't like it. Our past can haunt us, but there can be good things to remember about it. A walk down memory lane is never a bad thing. But letting it consume you and change how you treat someone else (in this case, me) then it . . well it hurts. Exes are exes and they are that for a reason. I'm fine with someone having a past, I do too. But when you don't show interest in what we have anymore, I get lost. Change sucks.

Sometimes

Sometimes, you just don't know what's going on. You think you do, because that's what they want you to think, but then things take a turn and you have no clue what's going on. Why is that? We as people are so misleading to each other, even if it's for the best of intentions. It's a sickness. It sucks when you don't know what's going on.

So . . .

I have been sitting here for hours the past couple days and I don't know what to write. I have no life lesson, experience, or even story to share. It's quite sad actually. But sometimes there just isn't anything to say.

Sorry

I never admit I'm wrong. Or if I did something wrong. Somehow I think it's never my fault. But this time it is. I messed up something. Big time. I honestly don't even know how I did it. Well, I do...but I can't justify it. I have never felt more sorry in my life. And I don't like feeling this way. Some people are good at apologies. They are sincere, and loving, and you just want to forgive them right away. I'm not like that. I suck. I stammer, I can't get the words out, and I just look like an idiot. But apologizing is one of the first things we learn as a kid...then why, as an adult, it becomes so difficult? As a kid we have this large guilt bag. We do something wrong and it eats away at us. Two hours later we are saying sorry. But as we get older...somehow that guilt trigger just disappears. Where does it go? As teenagers we learn to become great actors. Pretending to feel sorry for something. But when we actually do feel sorry...we don't know what to do. Sorry. Five little letters, with a million meanings. I'm sorry. I can say it here, or actually TYPE it. In person, I choke. Sorry is the hardest thing to say when you actually mean it.

Dreams

Where do I begin? Dreams. Wow, without those things life would be tougher than it already it is. All of us have dreams. Whether they are getting into a college, becoming something, or just living. I have dreams, lots of them. They are big, and small, and crazy, and realistic. But they all come from me. No one should tell us what dream, or who to be or what to like. We are our own person. Sure I'm only sixteen and most of you may think I'm too young to know what I want. Well I do know. I want to do great things. I'm not sure what they are going to be yet. But I'm not letting anyone tell me I can't do them. I want to be a model. I know that's a little superficial but it's my dream. Most people don't know that because they say I should be one and I just no, because you're required to, right? If people say you should be something society requires you to say no, and be "modest". This is where we get doubts. Society expects us to act like we aren't good at anything and take compliments as insults. We learn to doubt our dreams this way. I have lots of friends with image issues. No matter how many times you tell them they are pretty or good at something they shrug it off and call you a liar. And it hurts right? You think someone has potential for something great! Yet they say no and doubt themselves and say no? Blame everyone. Yourself included. You want them to say "thank you I know I'm pretty good," but you KNOW they won't say it because it's just not how things are suppose to go. Society's rules are more important than the dreams of people we crush. We are too scared to head towards the weird and stray from the norm. WHY?! It's madness, unethical, torturous, criminal. Everyone should feel good about themselves. I know this is VERY hypocritical, but it's true. I doubt myself all the time, and that's because if I don't society will thunk I'm different. I like being confident. I like being me. I want to change that. I want to change how my friends see themselves. I challenge you, the reader, to rewire your mindset and be different. Be confident. Sure there will still be people who will stay the same, but maybe you can shed a little light on their world. Make a difference?

Not Knowing

When someone hides something or says 'I wasn't thinking' does your trust for them waver a bit? The more they hide the more they lie, it just gets harder for the both of you. They have to cover everything up all while you're trying to uncover it. It's just one of those never ending cycles. They act sketchy and defensive, you act jealous and paranoid. You feel deceived and uncared for. But when you finally call them out on all their bullshit there's no telling what can happen. Everything can go fine. They can get angry and make you feel bad. You can get angry and make them feel guilty. Both of you can get mad. Or you can talk it out calmly and both be hurt on the inside. Everyone's different so it's hard to tell what could happen. But the worst part of all this is the excuses. And it's the stupid, sappy,over used excuses that make you the most insecure. 'I wasn't thinking' 'It wasn't my fault' 'You have to believe me' and you listen to them, you believe them. You also question them. But it usually does no good.

Meltdown

Sometimes life is just too much. Everything seems good but then other stuff piles on and you think "okay I can handle this". Then some more piles on. And next thing you know you're breaking from all the weight. People say "life throws curve balls", well sometimes it throws big heavy rocks at you too. Sure you can pick yourself up, dust off, and keep going. But other times you just wanna lay there and wait for it to all end. You keep going even if more and more comes your way. Why? Because you have a suspicion that it will be over soon and you won't have to struggle through anymore. It will be easy after this. Well that's true. But, when does it get easier?

Sometimes we end up not being able to get back up. We break. I call it a meltdown. You can't deal with it anymore. You lash out at everything and anything. You have no excuse for what you do. Mood swings. It's all there. But, once that's over and you've had a good cry; you get up quietly, dust yourself off, and keep going.

Unfixable

There a types of people in this world who like to fix things. Others like to destroy. I am a fixer. I have to fix everyone's problems for them. Doing the impossible is my thing. You have a problem, it's MY job to fix it. Most people don't ask for help, and some do. At times my help is unwanted. But I am also a perfectionist. So if it's going to be fixed, it has to be perfect. The biggest down side to this, is the failure. Right now, there's a problem I'm having. Someone I might possibly be in love with has really bad family troubles. Parents who don't treat him right. He sticks up for his little brother and I just about die because he is so protective of him. But, I can't help in anyway shape or form. AND IT'S KILLING ME! I can't make tings better for him at all. He doesn't want my help either, which sucks. I cry myslef to sleep thinking I'm failing him. And for this I feel stupid. You guys probably think I'm stupid too, realizing I can't help someone and not moving on from the problem. But I just can't do that. I can't give up, not yet.

Jealous

I admit, I get really jealous. Like, EXTREMELY jealous. My boyfriend mostly has girls who he hangs out with. Most if them are my friends. . .yet I am still jealous. It's stupid right? But when he talks to his ex girlfriend more than he talks to me, well that's crossing a line. Or when he wants to hang out with his girl best friend who he sees everyday more than me, that's not cool. I mean, I like him a lot, he's awesome...but it's that jealous side that's not so crazy about him. And now I'm being a paranoid girlfriend because it's been three hours since he last texted me and we were in the middle of a discussion. I don't wanna jump to conclusions but I do anyways. So I turned my phone off, put on some music and now I'm trying to keep myself busy instead if checking my phone every two seconds. Oh man, this is difficult!!!

Summer

I can't wait any longer. Summer needs to get here, and fast. I can already smell the summer air, feel the warm wind on my face. I can't wait for those long summer nights. Days spent at the beach. Afternoons spent in the air conditoned library. Ice cold lemonade. Summer picnics with my boyfriend. And girls day out with my best friend. Parties. It's all waiting for me! But it's just not quite here yet. Just six more weeks of school and the summer is mine to take. Hope I make it that long. LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!

Butterflies

He makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. Sure we have a history and we have both changed but it's different now. We both grew as people and now it's just like I found where I fit. I'm not gunna say all that cliche mushy stuff because, frankly it makes me sick. He's my best friend. We fight, joke around, drive each other crazy, and so much more. He's just awesome and I don't wanna trade that for anything! People can't tell me who I'd be happier with. You don't wanna see me with him, don't look.

Indecisive

I know this is contradictory to many things I've said before, but is love real? It seems like an unattainable feeling. How do you know if you're in love? Is there any way to explain this feeling? Love is like believing in Santa. You can't see it but you know it's there. But something so 'powerful' must be seen, otherwise it wouldn't exist right? People say that being in love is something you can't explain. If you can't explain it how do you know it's real? Maybe it's just one of those bandwagon things. If you don't know how you're feeling you must be in love. I can't tell if it's real or not, that's why I'm afraid of it.

Sex

What a strange word. Only three letters, one syllable, a million meanings. It complicates everything. Even the not having it makes things complicated. So I guess in the end it's best to have it, right?

New Beginnings

What's that saying? When one door closes another one opens? It seems true enough. When you are done with one thing, you don't want to dwell on it and cause trouble for yourself. You want to grow and see what other options there are. The way I see it, everything in life is a 50/50 chance; it either happens or it doesn't. So why not flip a coin and see where it takes you. So I am doing an experiment. For the next 50 days, starting tomorrow, I shall flip a coin for every decision I have to make. I will keep everyone updated. Even this is a 50/50 chance, either I fail miserably or victory is mine. I recommend you guys give it a try to. If anyone out here is readin this I DARE you to take the 50 day coin flip challenge. Comment with your results whether they are good or bad. This is thinking outside the box folks, EMBRACE THE CHANCES. And you can't back donwn. NO CHICKENS. You stick with all 50 days and for every decision. You are only cheating yourself. GOOD LUCK!