New

"I've never been a fan. I hate change. I hate new things. I don't like adding. It's much easier to take away. Sure, that's also change . . . but I like what I like. Three. It's always been three. Me. And two. Then the number grew. It didn't stop. Now it's made its way in to my happy place. Those two. I know it's beyond childish. I can handle them together when it's us against them. Or them against me. But I can't do one more. And there's always one more to worry about. Then I'm left on the outside. I'm not new. Not shiny. Not intriguing. I'm just something they remember eventually. It's always that way. It's not going to change. I'm always wrong. Always. I can't handle change. God. I am wrong. But being right means I have to let things change. And I can't fucking do that or I'll scream. Change has never been good, I'm never happy. That's why I want to die because if I die, nothing changes. I'm still forgotten, so it won't make a difference to anyone anyways. Maybe if I allowed it to happen, I could be happy. That's two things though: MAYBE & IF. How am I suppose to do this anymore? I really don't know."

That piece was written almost a year ago. Was I dark, or what? I'm glad I can gauge where I am mentally based on my journaling. I can see my progress, or set backs, and actually look at my life on a piece of paper.

Now, please enjoy the updated version of "New".

"Life is a constant change. From day one we don't stop changing, growing, or learning. In the span of a year, I have turned into the woman I have always wanted to be. When I was naive, it made sense that change was scary. Luckily, I was taught patience. Things are going to keep moving forward; and the rate that I live my life doesn't have to keep up with everything else.