Meltdown

Sometimes life is just too much. Everything seems good but then other stuff piles on and you think "okay I can handle this". Then some more piles on. And next thing you know you're breaking from all the weight. People say "life throws curve balls", well sometimes it throws big heavy rocks at you too. Sure you can pick yourself up, dust off, and keep going. But other times you just wanna lay there and wait for it to all end. You keep going even if more and more comes your way. Why? Because you have a suspicion that it will be over soon and you won't have to struggle through anymore. It will be easy after this. Well that's true. But, when does it get easier?

Sometimes we end up not being able to get back up. We break. I call it a meltdown. You can't deal with it anymore. You lash out at everything and anything. You have no excuse for what you do. Mood swings. It's all there. But, once that's over and you've had a good cry; you get up quietly, dust yourself off, and keep going.

Unfixable

There a types of people in this world who like to fix things. Others like to destroy. I am a fixer. I have to fix everyone's problems for them. Doing the impossible is my thing. You have a problem, it's MY job to fix it. Most people don't ask for help, and some do. At times my help is unwanted. But I am also a perfectionist. So if it's going to be fixed, it has to be perfect. The biggest down side to this, is the failure. Right now, there's a problem I'm having. Someone I might possibly be in love with has really bad family troubles. Parents who don't treat him right. He sticks up for his little brother and I just about die because he is so protective of him. But, I can't help in anyway shape or form. AND IT'S KILLING ME! I can't make tings better for him at all. He doesn't want my help either, which sucks. I cry myslef to sleep thinking I'm failing him. And for this I feel stupid. You guys probably think I'm stupid too, realizing I can't help someone and not moving on from the problem. But I just can't do that. I can't give up, not yet.

Jealous

I admit, I get really jealous. Like, EXTREMELY jealous. My boyfriend mostly has girls who he hangs out with. Most if them are my friends. . .yet I am still jealous. It's stupid right? But when he talks to his ex girlfriend more than he talks to me, well that's crossing a line. Or when he wants to hang out with his girl best friend who he sees everyday more than me, that's not cool. I mean, I like him a lot, he's awesome...but it's that jealous side that's not so crazy about him. And now I'm being a paranoid girlfriend because it's been three hours since he last texted me and we were in the middle of a discussion. I don't wanna jump to conclusions but I do anyways. So I turned my phone off, put on some music and now I'm trying to keep myself busy instead if checking my phone every two seconds. Oh man, this is difficult!!!